Finding Support

Getting a diagnosis

If you’re struggling to understand what you’re going through, it’s important to find out more about your condition and reach out for help.

The rapid and extreme changes in mood, as well as the negative feelings BPD creates in yourself and towards others, can make it difficult to maintain stable personal relationships and it can feel exhausting.

If you find that your relationships are suffering big ups and downs, you’re having difficulties with anger, self-harm or you are engaging with other kinds of self-destructive, impulsive behaviours. It’s crucial that you reach out for professional help, and open up to a loved one, as soon as possible. Nobody will judge you and you'll benefit from having support, as you prepare to start taking care of your mental health. It’s important to understand that none of this is your fault and many people will struggle to handle this serious but treatable condition alone.

The only surefire way to know that you have BPD is to get a formal diagnosis from a qualified psychiatrist. Don’t try to diagnose yourself. Many mental health disorders have overlapping symptoms, and relentlessly reading around is going to be unnecessarily anxiety-inducing.

For many BPD sufferers, being diagnosed is a lightbulb moment where things finally “click” into place. It’s the first step on the path to recovery.  

Unfortunately, there are lots of assumptions and misunderstandings around BPD. Not every doctor or health professional understands it.

What should I do now?

If you think that you or a loved one may have EUPD and are looking for further information on receiving an BPD diagnosis, we have outlined the steps involved in the process so that you can start your journey.

A useful first step is to visit your GP. Bringing up your BPD concerns to your doctor may be frightening at first, but it's the first step towards receiving the support you need. During an appointment, they may ask you about your symptoms to determine whether or not you could be experiencing BPD so write down your experiences to help you remember. Your GP may then refer you for an in-depth BPD assessment and expert treatment. However, a referral is not essential. Unfortunately, there are lots of assumptions and misunderstandings around BPD. Not every doctor or health professional understands it.

BPD can only be diagnosed by a qualified psychiatrist. Our psychiatrists are highly experienced in working with people with BPD, and providing them with access to the most effective treatment.

Living with BPD

BPD is a very serious disorder. The intense experiences associated with BPD are not something that anyone should face alone. Once you’ve got help and a formal diagnosis, there are few things you can do to make sure you have the right support in place to help you improve your day-to-day life.

Learn More

When it comes to your mental health, knowledge is power. Educate yourself about the symptoms, causes, and treatments of BPD. Learn about ways to manage your symptoms. Share what you have learned with the people in your life who are affected by it.

Have a safety plan

BPD causes very painful emotions and, as a result, it is not uncommon for mental health emergencies to arise. A safety plan can reduce your risk and make it less likely that you will make a decision in the heat of the moment that will have serious consequences. Your therapist will be able to help you with this. In the meantime Samaritans offers a safety plan template

Build a support system

If you’re suffering from BPD, you might already have a strained relationship with your family. Maybe that’s a result of the dysfunctional relationships you had around you growing up, past trauma or the symptoms of BPD which may have got in the way of you being able to form healthy, stable relationships with family members. Building a support system in really important, whether that involves family or not. Volunteer, join clubs or social groups – whatever needed – in order to build a social support network you can turn to when life gets difficult.

Commit to practising self-care everyday

One of the standout symptoms of BPD is self-sabotage which makes committing to self-care paramount. Create and maintain a realistic and healthy daily routine: eat healthily, keep sleeping patterns consistent, exercise at least 3 times a week etc.

Drown out your inner critic

If you suffered abuse, neglect or abandonment as a child, these experiences internalise and you’re going to have a harsh inner critic. Your inner critic is one of the main driving forces behind maladaptive behaviours (self-harm, depressive episodes, feelings of emptiness etc.) so you want to be working hard to recognise it and call it out. Practice self-compassion as much as possible. Be kind to yourself and try celebrating all your victories, no matter how small. That nasty voice inside that mutters criticisms to you isn’t yours – it’s voices and opinions from the past. Take back your internal landscape and start rooting for yourself.

Take up mindfulness meditation (even if only for 10 mins a day!)

Mindfulness is going to help you become more aware of your thoughts. And once that happens, you’ll get better at choosing the ones you want to engage with and the ones you don’t.

Don’t feel ashamed about taking medication if it helps

If your psychiatrist suggests it, never feel ashamed about deciding to go on medication. Some people find medication a huge help in managing their symptoms. It’s different for everyone, and it’s about finding what works for you.

Recognise the impact of BPD on your life

Part of living with borderline personality disorder is recognizing some of the ways that symptoms of the condition can impact your life. It can take a toll on your relationships and work, but symptoms can also physical health and safety. Being aware of these effects can help you better recognize the importance of treatment, support, and self-care.

Your Relationships

BPD can have a major impact on your relationships. In fact, having difficulties in relationships is one of the primary symptoms of BPD. People with BPD can have many arguments and conflicts with loved ones or a lot of relationships that repeatedly break up.

Your Work

Since BPD has such an impact on relationships, people with BPD may find themselves in trouble with co-workers, bosses, teachers, or other authority figures. The intense emotional changes may also impact work or school. Further, people with BPD often suffer from perfectionism and are highly sensitive to criticism. These can occur daily in a work context and can which can elicit very destructive behaviours either to yourself or others in the work space

Learn Your BPD Triggers

It can also be easier to live with borderline personality disorder if you learn to recognize and manage your triggers. BPD triggers are situations that set off symptoms. Common triggers for people with BPD include:

  • Feelings of rejection or abandonment in relationships

  • Memories of past traumas

  • Being criticized

  • The loss of a job or relationship

  • Relationship conflicts

  • Intrusive thoughts

  • Isolation or boredom

While you cannot control every single situation that might trigger your BPD symptoms, you can work on developing coping skills that will help you manage them more effectively.

Treatment for BPD

It is important to remember that while the symptoms of borderline personality disorder can have serious effects on your life, the condition is highly treatable. Seeking help, adhering to your treatment plan, and getting support are the most important thing.

Where else can I get support?

If you're struggling to access the support you need, it might be worth looking into charities or other third sector organisations. For example:

These kinds of services are normally free or low cost, and can offer a range of support.

More information

As with most mental health conditions there is no such thing as a typical case. BPD can manifest in a very differently in those who are suffering with it and there is a lot of information online that can be confusing. If you believe you might be suffering with BPD its best to seek advice from a healthcare professional.

However, education is important. Find out as much as you can about BPD: the symptoms, effective treatments, and ways to keep yourself well. Learning about BPD empowers you to manage your symptoms, making them more predictable and less scary.

There is a lot of inaccurate and misleading information on the internet about BPD, so be sure to access reliable sources. We list some below:

Websites

Mind: What is borderline personality disorder (BPD)

Rethink: Borderline Personality Disorder

Young Minds: Borderline Personality Disorder

NHS: Overview - Borderline personality disorder 

Harvard Medical School: Borderline Personality Disorder

Books

The Buddha and the Borderline – Kiera Van Gelder

This autobiography looks at the period up to Kiera’s diagnosis and through to her recovery through DBT and Buddhism. It sheds light on her private struggle to become more compassionate to herself and is essential reading for those who want to understand what recovery means.

Girl in need of a Tourniquet Merri Lisa Johnson

This is Merri Lisa's account of how BPD affected her life and relationships caused by events from the past. She uses quotes from poems and song lyrics to tell her story of her recovery 5 through therapy. We see inside her turbulent mind as she tries to discover who she is and what she wants from life.

Loud in the House of Myself – Stacy Pershall

This book is an account of the author’s experience of living with BPD, bipolar, bulimia and anorexia. She had an unconventional childhood, wants to become a belly dancer, streamed her suicide attempt live on the Internet and uses tattoos and DBT as part of her recovery.

Get Me Out of Here, My recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder – Rachel Reiland

Rachel is a married mother of three and an accountant. She tells her story of her life with BPD anorexia, promiscuity, impulsiveness, suicide attempts, hospitalization, intensive anger and how she recovers through therapy and the support of family and friends.

My Alien Self – My journey back to myself – Amanda Green

Amanda was born in the UK to a mum with catatonic schizophrenia, travelled the world to places such as Japan, Thailand and Australia and finally got a diagnosis of BPD. She began to recover when she came across CBT and found this really helpful. Her aim in writing this book was to share her story to beat the stigma around mental health.

Beyond Borderline – True Stories of Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder  edited by John G Gunderson and Perry Hoffman

This powerful compilation of stories reveals the deeply personal firsthand perspectives of people who have the label Borderline Personality Disorder and explores the numerous ways in which this disorder has affected their lives and how they move forward on their path towards discovering how to live with BPD.

The following books are more factual:

Understand your Borderline Personality Disorder - Chris Healy

This book offers basic information about BPD and is interactive so that people can explore their own attitudes or concerns about the diagnosis. It's organised into sessions so a worker could help someone go through the book. It talks about psychotherapeutic interventions that might be helpful and how to manage day to day.

The Emotionally Sensitive Person, Find peace when your emotions overwhelm you – Karyn D Hall

In this book Karyn teaches you how to stay in the present moment, how to identify emotional triggers and develop a healthy identity using cognitive behavioural and mindfulness skills. The skills used help you manage and take charge of overwhelming emotions

How can I help myself now?

Things can sometimes feel unpredictable and out-of-control for people with BPD. The first thing to do is learn as much as possible about BPD. This can help people understand the condition, and find the right treatment and support. What's true for people with BPD is true for all of us: make sure you eat healthily, get regular sleep, exercise and fresh air every day, don't drink alcohol excessively, and do things that make you feel calm — listen to music, do yoga, mindfulness exercises, or anything else that helps. It's the calming effect that matters, not the method, so choose whatever works for you. People with BPD find these things can be helpful:

  • Establishing good routines

  • Tracking moods and emotions to understand their patterns

  • Looking after physical health through healthy eating, exercise and sleeping well

  • Learning about emotion regulation and distress-tolerance skills

  • Talk to someone

It can be hard to reach out when you're not feeling well, but it might help to share difficult thoughts. If you don't feel you can talk to the people around you, you could try contacting a helpline.

For example, you can talk to Samaritans for free on 116 123 or jo@samaritans.org about anything that's upsetting you. See Mind’s page on helplines and listening services for more information about different helplines.